us and i

us and i

Although in body, the plural form
Of I and another would be “us”,
It somehow seems to be the norm,
(The Romans one day spake it thus)
In common speech to turn “us”es to “i”
without any regard for fallaci.

Note how your inner botanist surfaces
When faced with talk of cacti plants!
Less learned folk might speak of cactuses,
Though you’d be quick to point the difference;
“A cactus’s incorrect plural it will resent:
That and being confused with a succulent.”

An unfortunate multiple is one dice, two die.
Many a backgammon game in a daze,
I welcomed the toilet-break alibi
As your doubles rolled in, spots all ablaze,
You’d taunt me again with the doubling dice
As if making a killing didn’t suffice.

“An octopus,” you once musingly said,
“Has eight legs, or four pairs of arms,
And if you see three of this octoped
say octopi.” At which point I forewent my charms;
“My dear forgive me if I’m wrong,
It’s octopuses to which the plural belong.”

It’s fun although trivial to get to that,
But to elucidate these episodes,
We asked Google to resolve our spat.
Turns out there’s a third plural, octopodes
Which neither of us liked, and agreed for verdict
To stick to our plurals, end of conflict.